As with many of my peers, whose age approaches, or surpasses, the posted speed limit on secondary highways, I am astonished by the change that those of subsequent generations take for granted. As an illustration, I can remember asking why I would need an MP3 player when I have perfectly good cassette tapes. And, of course, long after iPods have become as common as, well, cassette tapes used to be, I figured out that there were advantages to being able to store my entire collection of records and tapes in the same amount of space taken up by just one tape. Long after instant messaging and “texting” had entered the public consciousness, I was still trying to figure out what the charm was of sending what looked like nonsensical gibberish through the air when you could call. Clearly, I am not an “it”-getter when it comes to many of these technologies.
This is all by way of rationalizing why, after “myspacing” has become an accepted verb, I wanted to write about social networking.
I came across an article about leveraging the power of online social networks such as MySpace and Facebook to raise money. And, as the search for money occupies a significant portion of my time, I elected to educate myself about Facebook. I hasten to add that, even from the relative anonymity of the computer, this was a bold step for a lifelong wallflower. And most likely, had there not been the professional connection, I would not have done it.
For those who may not have done anything like this before, the process of “joining” involves completing a form with as much, or as little, information as you care to disclose. You can fill in your hometown, your high school, your political and/or religious view; you can provide information about your work history, your marital status and your favorite movie and/or television program. The database then looks for other members with points of commonality and identifies them as people you can invite to be your “friend.” Obviously, the more you disclose, the more potential friends you can be introduced to.
In an age of identity theft and cyber stalkers, it was a little scary to think about putting all of that information out there—and, before you go looking, I didn’t put it all out there--but I also was forced to admit that I was curious to know who, among all of the people I have met and then let go of, might be out there. I suppose it’s the cyber equivalent of the same impulse that drives people back to their high school and college reunions. I have such clear “before” pictures of who those people were and there is a part of me that is morbidly curious to see what they have become after life has played a few rounds with them.
So I posted my partially completed profile and invited my sister to accept me as a friend—a real breakthrough given the rocky start to our relationship some decades ago.
Very quickly, I got a message from one of my sister’s old roommates and then I heard from someone I knew in high school. And then I heard from someone I used to coach in debating. And then I heard from someone else, who I remember, and who I worked with both in high school and in college, but I never had the sense that we were “friends.” I was surprised that he wanted to connect with me after about 30 years.
It's not that there was a flood of friends, because, as I write this, that is my entire list, but the three people I knew from high school and who reached out to connect with me are the ones that I marvel about. I would never have reached out to them, mostly because I am, to my very core, a shy person and couldn’t think they would be interested in anything that I might have to say.
But they reached out to me and I think of each of their “friend requests” as a gift. Completely unsolicited, they have “checked in” and that has impressed me. I have no other choice than to think that they remembered something about that moment in time when our lives intersected and that they wanted to revisit those memories—even if only for a moment—by contacting me.
I don’t mean to come across like some sort of an egotist, because that ain’t me. I am someone who believes that he has passed, and will continue to pass, through life without making much of a ripple. In fact, I work hard not to make any waves at all, but, right or wrong, good or bad, significant or not, I have impacted three lives and it has changed how I think about myself.
Changing how you think about yourself is an important part of recovering from a mental illness.
During the month of May, we talked a lot about the importance of social connections for persons experiencing mental illness. The lack of these connections can promote the onset of symptoms and prolong their duration.
Because of their very nature, mental illnesses cause people to withdraw and to shrink, and in many cases dissolve, their social networks. Like the old song, when you’re happy and you know it, you clap your hands and draw attention to yourself. When you’re depressed, you go to your room and isolate yourself.
When you are ready to come out of your room then having a social network—wherever you find it: online or in life—can accelerate your recovery. This is the concept behind MHA’s Compeer program.
So, if there’s a name on your email list, or in your address book, that you haven’t contacted in a while then check in with them. You don’t have to say a lot. Just contacting them can mean a whole lot. You never know the power you have to impact people’s lives.
Graham Campbell
Associate Director
Mental Health America of Licking County
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