Truthiness

TV's Craig Ferguson talks about being an alcoholic and about managing his "thinking problem."

Magic Cards

There was not much on the walls, but it was an honest to goodness magic shop:  a place where hobbyists go to purchase the this and the that to make their miracles possible.

These places are getting harder and harder to find.  Used to be every town had a store where you could buy joy buzzers and fake dog poop and in the back you could find a small stretch of counter with card tricks, coin tricks and the ever-present cups and balls.  Larger towns even had whole stores just for magicians.  Not always on the beaten path, but they were listed in the Yellow Pages.

When I was a kid, my mom used to take me to Morrissey's.  It was in what looked like an apartment building, a half-flight up and a half-block away from a busy commercial street.  You could live your whole life on that block and never notice they were there.  And if you went in, it seemed like you could spend your whole life and never learn all of the secrets it held.

I am hopeless at magic, but I am a sucker for secrets.

My interest in magic began, as it did for many, with a man by the name of Marshall Brodien.  He appeared on our TV pitching something called TV Magic Cards and teased my curious self with the promise that "magic tricks are easy once you know the secret."

That was it:  I was hooked.  And like a junkie cat and his nip, I had to have them.  And for 4 decades I have been haunting shops and poking around online to find more and more secrets.

The secrets by themselves are generally disappointing.  After being roped in by the demonstrator and completely fooled like you were the least sophisticated civilian, you pay your money only to find that the magic is done with a bit of string and some wax.  These are the secrets that magicians are sworn never to reveal?  Seems like a lot smoke and mirrors.  (And wouldn't you be surprised how they use smoke and mirrors!)

And so it was that I found myself in Kamloops, in the heart of British Columbia, and inside  Cuz I'm Magic a brand new magic shop.  I was in town to visit my mom and she mentioned that the shop had just opened.  What could I do?  We had to go.

I wanted to support this new venture.  I wasn't going to be a huge customer, but I had to give him some money.  You can learn a lot about magic from books and videos and the internet, but it is only in performance that you can appreciate its real artistry.  It's when you can stand a couple of feet away from the demonstrator and have him fool you that you truly appreciate magic's power to capture and inspire.  Anyone can say Shakespeare's lines and call themselves an actor, but a magician's job is more complicated and more straightforward:  he has to convince you that something impossible has just actually happened.

My mom was great.  She played spectator while the proprietor demonstrated a couple of items and I looked around.  There was not a lot to choose from, but I did find a collection of Brodien's television tricks which included the TV Wonder Cards, the TV Mystery Cards and the TV Magic Cards.  Of course I already had these in various forms, but what made this set a must-have was the associated DVD with the original commercials.

The poor condition of the surviving video only served to enhance the value of the purchase as a time tunnel back to the very beginning of my passion for magic.  The decks will most likely never come out of their cases, but they have already served their purpose, already convinced me of the impossible by connecting me to my younger self.

Returning from the magic shop, I put my purchases down on a table that I used to know.  It came from the house I grew up in a long time ago and a long way away where it sat in a hall like it does now and where it received mail and keys and the contents of overflowing arms, much like it does now.

I had gone to Kamloops to see my mother because she will be 75 this year.  Hardly seems right.  Like the commercial for the magic cards, I think only of how she was when we all lived together so many years ago.

This was going to be the year that she and her husband celebrated their birthdays in Paris.  They both turn 75 this year and they had decided not to wait for their distractable kids and do something that they wanted to do.  Instead this was the year of the health scare, the near miss that made decisions necessary that were once so easily deferred.

Mom wanted to talk about those decisions that she had made.  She wanted to show me where things were and make certain I understood what she wanted.  I met Ed whom she has selected as her local guy, her point man to work with her kids who are scattered to three different countries.  We talked about lessons learned and not learned from affairs both ordered and disordered.

She talked about being the long distance daughter when it came to breaking up her own mother's house.  Some decisions were made deliberately and how some were made in haste and those memories are still fresh for her.

At one point, she pulled out a small creamer that came from her mother's house.  She remembered it from her childhood and it was the first thing that came to mind when she was asked to list what she might want.

I asked her about this little creamer and she said it was nothing special, it just reminded her of her childhood.  There was no family history connected with this little jug, just her personal history.  It was like her own deck of magic cards, her tunnel into the past.

These are unsettling conversations to have, illuminated as they are in the twilight between infinite and finite possibilities.  There are lots of cliches about growing older, lots of jokes, but only one truth.

I have tremendous respect for how my mom and my step-father are handling this moment in their lives.  They share many common interests and some common traits:  they're both very practical, very organized.  And it is this shared talent that is serving them best.  They are educating themselves, preparing themselves and their families and trying to make magic with the cards they have.

I used to think that, if I knew enough secrets, I could perform miracles.  As I get older, I am appreciating something I read once about magicians Penn & Teller.  They described themselves as "a couple of eccentric guys who have learned to do a few cool things."

And to that list of cool eccentrics, I would add Lois & Eric, a pair of real magicians.

Happy birthday to you both.

--Graham Campbell
Associate Director

Learning About Borderline Personality Disorder

A visitor to our office today led me to write this post. The visitor was a woman who recently was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), a serious mental illness that affects the person's mood, relationships and self-image. She had stopped by to see if we had any books or videos so could learn more about this condition and how to recover from it.

First, let me say what a great approach that is--good for her! If you have diabetes, for example, you are more likely to be healthy if you learn all you can about managing diabetes. Same goes for mental illnesses. Second, it turns out that May is "Borderline Personality Disorder Awareness Month," so I decided the timing was good to share some of the info I found.

A significant part of what we do at MHA is to connect people with resources for education and support. It is for this reason that we maintain a free lending library of books and videos on a variety of mental health and mental illness topics. Ordinarily, I would have referred my visitor to that resource to answer her question. Regrettably, we do not have any current materials on BPD and this has been an area where there has been a lot of research conducted in recent years. So I spent a few minutes pulling up resources that might help in her quest to educate herself about BPD:

1. Books About Borderline Personality: I was surprised just how many books have been written in the last few years. Since I haven't read them myself, I am not making any recommendations, but I thought the list might be a useful starting point for someone, like our visitor, who is eager to learn more about BPD. Our visitor plans to take the list to the library to see what they have, or to ask for inter-library loan.
This link will take you to our Amazon.Com online store which pays us a small commission if you make a purchase. Any comments and reviews are welcome. We would love to have reader feedback on which books are helpful so we can pass those recommendations along to others.
2. Causes of BPD Studies using brain scans show that people with BPD have an impairment of the limbic system, which helps us regulate our emotions. Understanding how the brain functions in people with BPD can lead to better therapy and treatment.
3. Therapy for BPD: Therapies like DBT (dilectical behavioral therapy), which Moundbuilders Guidance Center offers, are effective for many people affected by Borderline. DBT trains people to identify and regulate their reactions. Actually, DBT strategies are great for you, me and anyone. But the fact that DBT is effective for people with BPD was considered a breakthrough in the therapeutic world.
4. Participating in BPD Research: If you are a family member of someone who experiences BPD and would like to participate in research by viewing videos on-line and filling out questionnaires, click here.
5. Myths About Borderline Personality Disorder: Erin Johnston, LCSW, a former BPD guide at About.Com, compiled a list of myths about BPD that are worth a look. Johnston writes about several misconceptions, including that BPD is difficult or impossible to treat. Not true. A 2003 study showed that 6 years following the study (typically involving people who had multiple and continuing treatments), almost 70% of the people in the study met the criteria for remission from BPD.

Speaking of myths, here's a quotation from an article (originally from NPR's website) written by Kathleen Masterson:

Up until now, cutting has been categorized as a symptom of borderline personality disorder — an illness marked by unstable moods, impulsive actions and chaotic relationships. The problem is, the majority of those who cut don't have borderline personality disorder. And under the current diagnostic guidelines, sometimes a doctor who first sees the patient, say in the ER, might confuse cutting with a suicide attempt.

The act of cutting, burning and other forms of self-injury is difficult to comprehend for people who haven't experienced it. While a serious symptom, it's highly treatable. As with symptoms of most illnesses (whether arthritis or BPD) the earlier the treatment, the better.

--Judith Allee

Parent Support Coordinator

Live Your Life Well

Every day, Americans are affected by the challenges, stresses and demands on their lives. And every day, they seek help in responding to them. The good news is that there are effective tools that are readily available and free for anyone to use to help improve their well-being.

May is Mental Health Month. Mental Health America is encouraging Americans to use these tools which are the foundation for the Live Your Life Well(SM) campaign.

Our Live Your Life Well(SM) website provides 10 research-based tools that can be easily integrated into your everyday life.

1. Connect with Others. Create new connections at work or in the community, and make efforts to strengthen your existing connections with family and friends.
2. Stay Positive. Noticing and appreciating the positive aspects of your life offers a great mood boost.
3. Get Physically Active. Exercise relieves your tense muscles, improves your mood and sleep, and increases your energy and strength.
4. Help Others. Keep it simple for starters; hold a door open for someone or smile and say "Good Morning!"
5. Get Enough Sleep. Make your bed a sleep haven; avoid tasks like paying bills and writing reports.
6. Creat Joy and Satisfaction. Read a humorous book, watch or listen to comedy, and try to laugh at some of the hassles of your life if you can.
7. Eat Well. Eating healthy food and regular meals can increase your energy, lower the risk of developing certain diseases and positively influence your mood.
8. Take Care of Your Spirit. It's not all about religion; try meditating or getting in touch with your deeper self.
9. Deal Better with Hard Times. Getting support, problem-solving or focusing on the positive aspects in your life can help you handle tough times better.
10. Get Professional Help if You Need It. If the problems in your life are stopping you from functioning well or feeling good, professional help can make a big difference.

Good mental health keeps you productive, energetic, happy and hopeful--even in the face of stress. There are steps that you can take to make a real difference in your ability to handle challenges. The tools found on our Live Your Life Well(SM) website do not require making drastic changes to your life or a significant time commitment. The website provides clear, easy-to-understand information on how to incorporate these changes into your life. All of the contents are free to the public.

The Tendency to Whining

Most kids--all kids?--at times whine, badger their parents, or have a temper tantrum when they don't get their way. Which tactics do your kids use? Do they tend to have favorite tactics when they are frustrated? Or do they try, say, whining, and if that doesn't work, move on to badgering or other tactics?

Child psychologist Thomas Phelan, whose "1-2-3 Magic" parenting video is a favorite of mine, says it's a bad sign if your child uses one tactic over and over. Why? Because that usually means it's working for them!

It can mean you are caving in and giving them what they want. But what if you don't give in? If they aren't getting their way, why do they keep doing it? Dr. Phelan says it may be they are getting revenge: "You're frustrating me, so I'm going to frustrate you." And how can they tell if they are getting revenge? Because you get upset.

Therefore, Dr. Phelan recommends staying calm and having a consequence that doesn't involve you getting all bent out of shape by having what he calls a "parental temper tantrum." Let the consequence be the bad guy, not you. Staying calm, of course, is easier said than done, but one cool thing about "1-2-3 Magic" is that once it is working for you, you don't have to act like you're not upset. You honestly don't have to *get* upset.

One of the fringe benefits of my job is the joy that parents experience when their new parenting techniques work and they can enjoy their children instead of constantly being stressed and angry. We have several programs that can help parents turn around their children's behavior, sometimes very quickly--not only kids' behaviors, but also their own parenting behaviors.

Aside from 1-2-3 Magic, we have:

• Triple P (Positive Parenting Program)
• How To Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish
• How To Talk So Teens Will Listen and Listen So Teens Will Talk also by Faber and Mazlish
• What Successful Kids Have That Others Don't (based on Developmental Asset Building from The Search Institute).

You can call me at (740) 788-0300 to register, or to let me know if your church, school or other organizations would like a program. Workshops are free, but donations are always welcome.

JUDITH WAITE ALLEE,

Parent Support Coordinator

Hafla!

A very long time ago, I was working on a play. The show had a circus theme and so it was decided that the best way to establish the theme was to have a circus-style sideshow prior to the start of the play.

This was a late-in-the-game brainstorm. About 9 months had gone into the evolution of the circus theme and it was only during the last 2 that we came to work on the sideshow. There were lots of details to work out including the auditioning of the sideshow acts. We wanted to have someone selling patent medicine and a juggler, some food--anything that would capture the essence of the sideshow.

At this late date, I am no longer certain how we came up with a belly dancer, but one became available and so we arranged to meet her and have her audition for a spot in the show.

This is all by way of explanation as to how I found myself in a large rehearsal room with the director's wife and a belly dancer.

I am, by nature, a shy person. After years of careful study, there is virtually no situation that I cannot avoid, no emotion I cannot deny, no compliment I cannot deflect. Combine that with a pasty Scottish complexion and the result is that I have just about the worst possible poker face you can imagine. I am like one of those characters in a Tex Avery cartoon who when they get kissed, their faces change color to blood red and then steam blows out of their ears.

So I am in a room with the director's wife and a belly dancer who is auditioning for a part in our sideshow. We're all professionals so, no big deal, right?

Well, as a professional, the dancer, whose name is lost to memory, is used to performing for an audience and as the only boy in the room, I become the object of her full and undivided attention.

I can feel my face flushing as I write this.

Ordinarily, under cover of an audience, I could look away, or otherwise deflect the attention, but we were trying to make a decision about the show and if I looked away, she would have lost half of her audience.

I should mention that I am also a polite person.

At this point in the audition, I am struggling between not being rude, not blushing and not being a cartoon character. Needless to say, my visible discomfort only empowered the dancer and she moved in closer. There was no escape.

She got the job.

That was my only experience of belly dance until last Saturday.

As part of a package that she purchased at our recent auction, my wife had a pair of tickets to "Cairo in Columbus" a workshop and concert of belly dance.

Initially, I was not supposed to go. I had not shown the proper amount of respect for her dance goals and so my wife had said that she would be finding someone more fun to go with. It's not that I had ridiculed her or anything, but I didn't immediately understand what she had responded to about belly dance that had inspired her to bid on the package and take the classes.

For better, or worse, we have been spectators: we watch others participate. Our work takes place mostly behind the scenes and then we get to watch others benefit from it. This was the first time in a very long time when either one of us had come off the bench and become a participant. It was unfamiliar and so I perhaps didn't respond as I should have.

What was clear from the beginning was that, for whatever reason, her decision to take these classes from this instructor was paying off. She came home from that first class with her hip scarf and zills--the finger cymbals--and she was completely engaged.

One class in and she had already assessed the other students and how she rated in comparison. Some of the skills taught in that class came easily to her--more easily than to others, she was pleased to report--and there were others that were more challenging. And the night that she came home and reported that she was able to naturally do a move that they didn't even teach until the second level class, my spouse was positively beaming. Mastering the various movements clearly meant more than acquiring the ability to do a chest lift or to isolate her rib cage.

We talked one night about the class and other things and she said that the class was one place where she felt closest to who she really is.

My wife experiences bipolar disorder and struggles each day to present herself to the world as "normal." She takes her meds so that she doesn't get too manic, too depressed, too anything and all the while she carries the responsibility of trying to live up to somebody else's standards. Even with the medications she still has to watch her behavior and her speech and be vigilant for indicators of how she is being received. The cost of not being compliant is the ever-present fear that her rights and freedoms will be taken away. She is acutely aware that she is perceived differently once people become aware of her diagnosis. Her opinions carry less weight and her experiences are discounted.

One night a week, she is freed of those responsibilities and expectations while she learns the art of belly dance. Like all great teachers, Ms. Chandara Gamal meets her students where they are in their lives, in their illnesses, in their body types and she teaches them that they each have the power to express themselves through this art.

As a person who has watched too many movies I had a sense of belly dance as being very monolithic: there was one style most closely represented by "I Dream of Jeanie." What I learned at Saturday's concert was that, like most things represented on television, this view was too simplistic.

The belly dance community is diverse with a traditional branch, a tribal branch and an Asian branch. The music used in each of the pieces reflected a similar diversity of influences. There was some of what you might call traditional Middle Eastern music, but there was also pieces choreographed to techno and to the Beastie Boys.

For all its diversity, it was also apparent how supportive a community it was. Dancers would watch and support other performers. And judging from the frequent outbursts of cheering, it was apparent that they were able to see and appreciate different moves that might have escaped the notice of civilians like myself. And when the evening was over, everyone was invited to stay behind and have an open dance with the live band.

I don't know the origin, but the definition of the word "hafla" is belly dance party. Saturday's concert was just that: not a party in which belly dance was a curiosity, but one where dancers were the guests and the entertainers, celebrating themselves and one another.

At the end of the evening, Ms. Chandara Gamal's students brought her to the stage to receive an bouquet of flowers. In her tearful presentation, one of the students spoke about how much she appreciated the classes and being taught that there were many different definitions of beauty. She thanked Ms. Chandara for making her feel beautiful.

I think she is also owed a debt for helping my spouse to see that there are many different definitions of "normal."

I came across an unattributed quote about Socrates. It is said that "Socrates learned to dance when he was 70 because he felt that an essential part of himself had been neglected."

After many years of looking, my wife has found her way back to an essential part of herself through belly dance and that is worth celebrating.

--Graham Campbell

Associate Director