The Spanish Inquisition

“Our chief weapon is surprise, surprise and fear….”

Earlier this week, after having attended a meeting, I was struck by how, at what is conventionally understood to be my middle age, I feel remarkably unqualified.

And it wasn’t just about that particular meeting, I have a clear sense of being unprepared for life in general. I pay my bills and I take my dog for a walk (most days) and I go to work every day, but that’s not the leadership role that I imagined for myself as a child: it’s more like I’m a crew member. And there are a great many days when I imagine that I will find myself as one of the red-shirted crew members on the Enterprise: existing only to advance someone else’s story and to be phasered before the second commercial break.

Perhaps I am thinking this way, in part, because, in the transition between Presidents, there has been a lot of talk about leadership. The incoming President and I are almost the same age: that is the only thing we have in common. I can’t even get the dog to come when I call him and so I am dumbstruck at the prospect of being able to lead an entire country.

I could probably come up with a lot of rationalizations, but I suspect the primary motivator in my life is fear and this is what has kept me from taking more chances. I am always playing defense, reacting to events instead of shaping them.

As children, we think in terms of limitless possibilities. Our imaginations take us to places and situations that are risk-free. We fight monsters and rescue damsels in distress and do battle with evil wizards all before dinner. As adults, we learn about limits and the horizon that once seemed so far away starts to come closer until you get to a point where all you do is go to the funerals of your friends and all you think about is not falling at which point the horizon is at your fingertips.

My mother once tried to help me through an awkward teenage moment by counseling me that I was a “late bloomer.” It was another in a long series of lessons in what would now be described as “impulse control.” It was not my time, not my turn; my needs would be met later on. Today I am certain that little or none of that was behind her comment when she said it, but experience has helped to fill in the gaps.

How then do you know when it is your moment? What exactly should I be looking for?
Something clearly happened for the new President to tell him that this was his moment. Was it, I wonder, one of those “It just doesn’t get any better than this” beer commercial moments?

I have read a lot of biographies and the part that fascinates me the most in each of these stories is the moment when the subject goes from the supporting cast to the starring role in their own lives. And, because they are the subject of the book, it is almost always the part of the story that gets glossed over. Perhaps there is an assumption made on the part of the author that because their subject has been deemed book-worthy that all anybody cares about is what happened when they were children and after they were famous. At what point did they think they had the skills/ability/moxie to step into the spotlight?

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to be a star, but neither do I want to get to the non-slip part of my life and feel as though I missed my moment.

“History is made by those who show up.” -- Benjamin Disraeli

Showing up is not enough, if it were, I wouldn’t be writing this. I show up a lot but I have never felt like I belonged anywhere.

As a teenager, I performed as a magician at a number of children’s birthday parties. I was never any good but I was and am fascinated by magic. Performing magic for children is rough because they are very difficult to fool. They absorb all of the information that comes at them and work to make sense of it, whereas adults are more likely to make assumptions based on their experience. If a child sees something that doesn’t make sense they call you on it. They look where they are not supposed to look and often see things that adults would never notice.

I bring this up because it is the over-arching fear in my life: that I am going to get caught, that I will be revealed to be a fake, that my lack of qualification will be disclosed.

So we have come to the essential conundrum: to truly “take my turn”—presuming I can recognize it when it comes—will mean embracing and overcoming my fear and stop being surprised.

--Graham Campbell
Associate Director

January is National Stalking Awareness Month

By Ashley Shaw, PAVE Coordinator, Mental Health America of Licking County

As a violence prevention educator, people often tell me stories about their experiences with violence and many of the stories involve the serious crime of stalking.

According to the Stalking Resource Center, stalking is defined as a course of action directed at a specific individual that would cause a reasonable person to feel fear.

Television and movies promote commonly held beliefs about stalking which are inaccurate. For instance, many think that only strangers, often with a mental illness, are the ones who commit this serious crime, when almost the exact opposite is true. According to statistics from the Stalking Resource Center:

• 77% of female victims and 64% of male victims know their stalker.
• 59% of female victims and 30% of male victims are stalked by an intimate partner.
• Intimate partner stalkers frequently approach their targets, and their behaviors escalate quickly.

Through the impact stalking can have on a victim’s daily life, it is very clear to see why more people need to be made aware of them.

A victim of stalking is very likely to experience serious changes to his or her daily life.

• 26% of stalking victims lost time from work as a result of their victimization, and 7% never returned to work.
• 30% of female victims and 20% of male victims sought psychological counseling.
• The prevalence of anxiety, insomnia, social dysfunction, and severe depression is much higher among stalking victims than the general population.

Because of the prevalence, stalking is something that each of us needs to take seriously. The number of stalking victims in the United States is astounding: 1,006,970 women and 370,990 men are stalked annually. The good news is that there is help available to victims of such a serious crime.

A first line of defense when dealing with stalking is educating yourself about the topic and the legal aspects that can be involved. I urge all readers to familiarize themselves with the topic of stalking so that it can be recognized and prevented as much as possible. The state of Ohio has laws in place to protect victims and prosecute stalkers. Depending on the seriousness of the crime, charges can range from a first degree misdemeanor to a fourth degree felony. Jail or prison time varies as well depending on the specifics of any given case. If you or someone you know is being stalked, call 9-1-1 immediately to get law enforcement involved.

Through education and awareness, communities can support victims and combat the crime. There are plenty of resources available at Mental Health America of Licking County or on websites such as the Stalking Resource Network Website (www.ncvc.org/src).

The P.A.V.E program (Prevent Assault and Violence Education) is participating in a community awareness campaign by hanging up informational posters in area Licking County schools. We hope that through the poster campaign we can build a knowledgeable community that offers support to stalking victims and increases the prevention of potential victims.

For more information please contact Ashley Shaw at (740) 522-2277 or ashaw@mhalc.org.