Hafla!

A very long time ago, I was working on a play. The show had a circus theme and so it was decided that the best way to establish the theme was to have a circus-style sideshow prior to the start of the play.

This was a late-in-the-game brainstorm. About 9 months had gone into the evolution of the circus theme and it was only during the last 2 that we came to work on the sideshow. There were lots of details to work out including the auditioning of the sideshow acts. We wanted to have someone selling patent medicine and a juggler, some food--anything that would capture the essence of the sideshow.

At this late date, I am no longer certain how we came up with a belly dancer, but one became available and so we arranged to meet her and have her audition for a spot in the show.

This is all by way of explanation as to how I found myself in a large rehearsal room with the director's wife and a belly dancer.

I am, by nature, a shy person. After years of careful study, there is virtually no situation that I cannot avoid, no emotion I cannot deny, no compliment I cannot deflect. Combine that with a pasty Scottish complexion and the result is that I have just about the worst possible poker face you can imagine. I am like one of those characters in a Tex Avery cartoon who when they get kissed, their faces change color to blood red and then steam blows out of their ears.

So I am in a room with the director's wife and a belly dancer who is auditioning for a part in our sideshow. We're all professionals so, no big deal, right?

Well, as a professional, the dancer, whose name is lost to memory, is used to performing for an audience and as the only boy in the room, I become the object of her full and undivided attention.

I can feel my face flushing as I write this.

Ordinarily, under cover of an audience, I could look away, or otherwise deflect the attention, but we were trying to make a decision about the show and if I looked away, she would have lost half of her audience.

I should mention that I am also a polite person.

At this point in the audition, I am struggling between not being rude, not blushing and not being a cartoon character. Needless to say, my visible discomfort only empowered the dancer and she moved in closer. There was no escape.

She got the job.

That was my only experience of belly dance until last Saturday.

As part of a package that she purchased at our recent auction, my wife had a pair of tickets to "Cairo in Columbus" a workshop and concert of belly dance.

Initially, I was not supposed to go. I had not shown the proper amount of respect for her dance goals and so my wife had said that she would be finding someone more fun to go with. It's not that I had ridiculed her or anything, but I didn't immediately understand what she had responded to about belly dance that had inspired her to bid on the package and take the classes.

For better, or worse, we have been spectators: we watch others participate. Our work takes place mostly behind the scenes and then we get to watch others benefit from it. This was the first time in a very long time when either one of us had come off the bench and become a participant. It was unfamiliar and so I perhaps didn't respond as I should have.

What was clear from the beginning was that, for whatever reason, her decision to take these classes from this instructor was paying off. She came home from that first class with her hip scarf and zills--the finger cymbals--and she was completely engaged.

One class in and she had already assessed the other students and how she rated in comparison. Some of the skills taught in that class came easily to her--more easily than to others, she was pleased to report--and there were others that were more challenging. And the night that she came home and reported that she was able to naturally do a move that they didn't even teach until the second level class, my spouse was positively beaming. Mastering the various movements clearly meant more than acquiring the ability to do a chest lift or to isolate her rib cage.

We talked one night about the class and other things and she said that the class was one place where she felt closest to who she really is.

My wife experiences bipolar disorder and struggles each day to present herself to the world as "normal." She takes her meds so that she doesn't get too manic, too depressed, too anything and all the while she carries the responsibility of trying to live up to somebody else's standards. Even with the medications she still has to watch her behavior and her speech and be vigilant for indicators of how she is being received. The cost of not being compliant is the ever-present fear that her rights and freedoms will be taken away. She is acutely aware that she is perceived differently once people become aware of her diagnosis. Her opinions carry less weight and her experiences are discounted.

One night a week, she is freed of those responsibilities and expectations while she learns the art of belly dance. Like all great teachers, Ms. Chandara Gamal meets her students where they are in their lives, in their illnesses, in their body types and she teaches them that they each have the power to express themselves through this art.

As a person who has watched too many movies I had a sense of belly dance as being very monolithic: there was one style most closely represented by "I Dream of Jeanie." What I learned at Saturday's concert was that, like most things represented on television, this view was too simplistic.

The belly dance community is diverse with a traditional branch, a tribal branch and an Asian branch. The music used in each of the pieces reflected a similar diversity of influences. There was some of what you might call traditional Middle Eastern music, but there was also pieces choreographed to techno and to the Beastie Boys.

For all its diversity, it was also apparent how supportive a community it was. Dancers would watch and support other performers. And judging from the frequent outbursts of cheering, it was apparent that they were able to see and appreciate different moves that might have escaped the notice of civilians like myself. And when the evening was over, everyone was invited to stay behind and have an open dance with the live band.

I don't know the origin, but the definition of the word "hafla" is belly dance party. Saturday's concert was just that: not a party in which belly dance was a curiosity, but one where dancers were the guests and the entertainers, celebrating themselves and one another.

At the end of the evening, Ms. Chandara Gamal's students brought her to the stage to receive an bouquet of flowers. In her tearful presentation, one of the students spoke about how much she appreciated the classes and being taught that there were many different definitions of beauty. She thanked Ms. Chandara for making her feel beautiful.

I think she is also owed a debt for helping my spouse to see that there are many different definitions of "normal."

I came across an unattributed quote about Socrates. It is said that "Socrates learned to dance when he was 70 because he felt that an essential part of himself had been neglected."

After many years of looking, my wife has found her way back to an essential part of herself through belly dance and that is worth celebrating.

--Graham Campbell

Associate Director

National Crime Victims Rights Week Events

Here are some photos taken during last week's conference and the Peacemakers Showcase.

MHA Marks National Crime Victims Rights Week

“Fairness. Dignity. Respect.” is the theme of this week's National Crime Victims Rights Week Conference offered by Mental Health America of Licking County.

Speakers include: internationally known speaker on human trafficking: Theresa Flores, and author of The Sacred Bath. Stephanie Smith Bowman from the Sexual Assault Response Network of Central Ohio will share information on victims’ with disabilities.

Melis Leonard, former MHA Director of Prevention, will talk about the connections between victimization and trauma and varied human responses. Community members of a Victim Impact Panel will share their experiences & answer questions regarding the victimization. Members will include families of Pamela Annarino and Tyler Gargus.

Representatives of the MHA Prevent Violence and Assault Education (PAVE) Teen Panel will speak on the experiences of youth crime victims.

The conference is free and open to the public with registration. Complimentary lunch is being provided by Bake-N-Brew.

Saturday, April 24, 2010, will be the “Peacemaker’s Showcase” featuring Prevent Assault and Violence Education (PAVE) a program of Mental Health America. There will be food, fun, music, guest speakers, Awards, a Candlelight Vigil, and a March for Peace.

Events start at 4 p.m., with a “Take Back the Night Rally” at 7 p.m. The Licking Co. Clothesline Project will be on display.

For more information about these events or to register, please call (740)522-2277 or email to prevention@mhalc.org

Vote for Issue 11

Even though Mental Health America has been serving Licking County for more than 56 years, most people don’t seem to know who we are until I mention Paddy Kutz. For almost three decades, Paddy has been the face of mental health information in Licking County. Everybody calls her when they run into a problem that they can’t seem to solve; have a family member who needs help and they don’t know where to go; or have an employee who doesn’t seem to know what is and is not okay in the workplace.

She will be the first one to tell you that she is not a counselor, but she can help people get connected with counselors and other treatment providers. She is passionate about recovery and advocates daily for the simple steps that people can take to get and keep control of their mental health. The steps may not always be easy, but they are, for the most part, simple.

What an incredible community resource she is and her unusual name has become shorthand for all things relating to behavioral health information. If you haven’t met her, or heard her speak, you probably know someone who has.

Paddy’s continuing ability to work for the good mental health of Licking County is at risk.

Unlike her energy, which at almost 71 years of age, seems limitless, the resources needed to support her agency and the 6 others that provide education, prevention and treatment services for mental health and substance use conditions are diminishing at an alarming rate.

Most of the money needed to fund our public safety net—including Mental Health America—comes from the State of Ohio and a county tax levy. As the State continues to have budget challenges, more money is being diverted from the Ohio Department of Health. Since 2008, funding for the Community Mental Health & Recovery Board has been reduced by $1.9 million. (An additional $1 million in Federal stimulus funding will be lost in 2011.) And these dollars are not expected to return. Levy dollars are tied to property values and it has been a while since those have increased.

The only things that have increased are the need for mental health and substance use services and the costs of providing them.

Mental Health America of Licking County has responded to ever-tightening budgets by reducing benefits, freezing wages, furloughing staff, not filling vacant positions; and, when these steps was no longer sufficient, by eliminating programs and terminating staff. Paddy even voluntarily took a pay cut of more than 30%.

Similar steps have also been taken at other agencies in the Community Mental Health & Recovery Board system. There is even a system-wide initiative underway to reengineer how services are provided in an effort to reduce costs by almost $2 million.

We believe that we have acted responsibly to control expenses while not jeopardizing our ability to respond to individuals and families in crisis.

With every indication that additional cuts in State funding are in the offing, even these steps will not be sufficient to fund the Licking County system at its present levels.

It is for these reasons that the Community Mental Health & Recovery Board is asking Licking County voters to approve a .45 mil 10-year supplemental levy on the May 4th ballot.

One of the reasons that people feel so comfortable talking to Paddy is that she has been around for more than a generation. People come to see her because she was able to help their parents. She is a community fixture: it’s comforting to know she’s available even if you don’t have need of her services.

Licking County is rightfully proud of its network of services it has built up—many of which were initiated by Mental Health America (Moundbuilder’s Guidance Center, The Main Place, LAPP, Big Brothers/Big Sisters)—but, like any system, it must be maintained or it will break down and fail, usually when you most need it to work.

Mental Health America is asking for your help to maintain our system so that all of the agencies—including Mental Health America of Licking County—can continue to care.

Declarations

I recently tried to apply for life insurance. I am a person who experiences bipolar disorder and OCD and had always been told that I was ineligible for life insurance. Recently, however, I heard that some insurers would consider me as a candidate.

I thought that I would surprise my husband and apply for life insurance. I would like to be able to leave him with a little money in case of my death, to cover expenses. This is the wish of the average American, to have adequate life insurance coverage for their loved ones. I am not now, nor have I ever been suicidal. I have never been hospitalized for reasons related to my mental health.

I contacted an agent who represents several carriers and who had solicited me online. I did not tell anyone about my plan, because I wasn’t certain I would qualify. I had to fill out a pile of paper work and submit to medical tests, which I find very stressful. I was upfront about my medical history and was told that my bipolar disorder might raise my premiums, but would not necessarily block me from receiving insurance. The submission process took four months, with several emails from the insurer requiring more information.

Finally, I received a call last week telling me that I had been rejected “because of my eating disorder.”

I do not have an eating disorder. I have never been diagnosed, nor treated, for an eating disorder at any time. I went to see my psychiatrist, who confirmed that there is no past record, nor current diagnosis, of an eating disorder in my files. This was not the diagnosis of my general practitioner, nor the two gastro doctors and the internist, I saw in Columbus.

I have been physically ill for the last year and did seek attention from several specialists who ruled out a number of illnesses. Each doctor passed me along to another for more tests, until I ended up at the Cleveland Clinic. There I was subjected to another battery of tests, until my gastroenterologist admitted that she did not know what was wrong with me, and suggested I see a neurologist to address the other, non-gastric symptoms.

Somewhere along the way, someone decided that my symptoms included “psychogenic vomiting.” This archaic term means that I am vomiting by choice. Psychogenic: (1) Of mental origin or causation.psychogenetic. (2) Relating to emotional and related psychological development or to psychogenesis. A phrase I hear all too often –“it’s all in my head.”

This change in diagnosis (and attitude), came after the local neurologist, who I saw in January of 2010, saw my medical history. This is not the first time this has happened. The doctor at the Cleveland Clinic was very dismissive after she learned of my psychiatric history. I have walked away from this process feeling angry and exploited.

Time and time again, I am frustrated by medical personnel who only see me as a mental illness diagnosis, not as a person. Everything I say immediately becomes suspect, I must be delusional and unreliable. My physical illness must be a result of my mental condition. If I have questions about my treatment, I am oppositional. Every thing I say or do confirms their diagnosis that I am simply crazy. My psychiatrist is never consulted.

The first time I visited an E.R. after my initial bipolar disorder diagnosis, I was experiencing severe vomiting and dehydration. I was confronted by a doctor who had not learned that patients with mental illness are not deaf, nor unable to speak for themselves. Once he had seen my medication list, that doctor spoke only to my husband, not to me, and assumed that I was unable to make my own health care decisions. He later spoke to my sister (a hospital employee, who did not know about my illness), and asked her how long I “had been crazy?” When I was admitted, my physician made notes to my record commenting that my mental illness was a basis for not consulting me on my treatment, although there was no indication of inappropriate behavior on my part. My own physician was never consulted, and I was denied access to all of my regularly prescribed medication for four days, resulting in serious physical withdrawl.

On another visit to the ER caused by a medication-induced seizure, my explanation was met with disbelief. I was suspected of drug-seeking behavior and a lack of judgment. It was not until my sister, a hospital administrator, was called, that her authority changed the attitude of the staff.

Incidents like these are not, unfortunately, uncommon. I hear about them from consumers every day. Insist that your care provider speak to you directly and include you in creating your health care plan. I recommend that everyone who experiences mental illness carry a list of all medications with them and a copy of your Mental Health Advanced Directive.

A Mental Health Advance Directive offers a clear written statement of an individual's medical treatment preferences or other expressed wishes or instructions. It can also be used to assign decision-making authority to another person who can act on that person's behalf during times of incapacitation.

I plan to appeal the decision to deny my life insurance coverage. It has taught me an important lesson about keeping current on what is in my medical files. Learn from my experience and keep up to date on what is in your files.

--Kristen Frame
Compeer Coordinator